Painting Baby Gutzmer's Room 1 of 3

Painting Baby Gutzmer's Room 1 of 3

As Baby Gutzmer approaches I have been informed that it is time for the oldest of baby traditions, painting the baby room. This goes all the way back to a conversation overheard in an early cave.

♂How do you want to decorate the baby's room.
♀I don't know I was thinking of a nice gender neutral green
♂That seems kind of bland
♀maybe some two tone green stripes
♂I was thinking of a mural of me and my friends hinting and killing some buffalo
♀I think I would prefer the stripes
Club... thump

and so the first baby mural was created

I lacking a club ended up settling on the 2 tone green stripes.
So please to enjoy the first of my 3 part series "Painting baby Gutzmers room"

1) Move the furniture out of the way. Seems easy enough. Get it out of the room or away from the walls there should be 4ft of clearance around.

2) Take off all of those faceplates. You could mask them, but it is way easier and cleaner to remove them, and as I'll investigate later masking is not all it is cracked up to be.

3) Clean... Clean... Clean

If you want the paint to be nice and smooth and not to peel off in a year you want to start with a surface that is nice and smooth and CLEAN.

Start with a broom sweep the whole thing paying special attention to the cobwebs that you did not even notice were there.
Now get your favorite bucket and make a dilute cleaning solution with your favorite household cleaner. Make sure it is not too strong you do not want to leave any residue. Take a rag and get it slightly damp and wipe down the entire wall. If your walls were immaculate to start with congratulations, you are the cleanest person I know.

If you are a little anal like me you can do an additional quick rub down with a scouring pad. I like the giant ones they sell at sams. Especially if you are starting with a semi-gloss or high gloss, this will scarify the surface to allow for better adhesion.
Oh, and keep that rag and bucket around, it will come in handy

4) Masking (optional)
This is the point in the painting process where you break out multiple rolls of tape and go to town coating every inch of your trim... right? Maybe not. Lets consider the pros and cons
Cons
-All that time and effort to put the tape everywhere
-Once the tape is on you tend to get sloppy since that's what its there for
-Feathering (the little bit of paint that wick under the tape and get on the trim anyway)
Pros
-?

With a good brush and a steady hand you can get just as strait (or better) trim lines with out all of the taping, but more on that later. I do like the tape for the trip that is close together or where it is really close to an inside corner, and there is not enough room to maneuver a brush. The easiest way is to get it even at one side and then to pull it strait and line it up at the other side, smooth it down tight and if IF the wall is straight the tape will be perfect.
5) Put down a drop cloth
It doesn't need to be fancy that old sheet set will do just fine, but it does need to be there. No matter how careful you are sooner or later a drop will fall, and if it is on carped it is not easy to clean. If you want to shell out $8 for a real drop cloth it is worth it.
6) Now use those free pint stirrers you got to stir it up nice.
When you are done wipe them on the rim as you pull it out, now you don't have AS much paint dripping on all of the news paper you laid out. You did lay news paper out right?
7) Pick your worst bowl, Tupperware, margarine container and dump some in (carefully)
or $0.89 for the pro container with the wipe off wire.
8) Cutting in
Ok, I promised you deliverance from all of that masking and here it is. Professional painters don't mask and neither should you. And your brush will set you free. First of all throw away that $1 brush with the plastic bristles that are always falling out.

If you want to do a good job start with a good brush. Look for good bristles that are split at the ends, a nice chiseled edge that will let the bristles fan out as you pull it across the wall, and a solid mounting and handle. You don't need to go crazy but if you spend $8 in 6 years, you will be glad you did.

Dip your brush into the paint about a half an inch as you go the paint will slowly creep up the brush, but keep it as close to the bottom as possible. Wipe off the excess, and get ready to paint. Start 1/2 in away from the edge and slowly pull the brush into and across the trim. As you do the bristles will fan out into a knife like edge (hence cutting in). keep going until the edge is just touching the trim, and move it straight down the edge.
Congratulations! a nice clean edge with no tape and half the time.
Oh and make sure you still have that bucket and damp rag around just in case.

9) Once you have the trim "cut in" turn the brush 90 deg and get a good couple of inches to make room for the rollers. If there is not room for the roller, then use the brush for as far as you need.

Now that you have about 1% of the wall covered you are home free. 90% of the work is done, and it is time to bust out that roller. Pour the paint in the roller pan and load up the roller. Make sure you roll out the excess on the pan, and head to the wall. Start with one big W (or M for the democrats) and then keep moving back and forth in the same pattern until the the area is completely covered. The key here is to press firmly into the wall. Use a little paint and apply it evenly.

One roller should look about like this. Get as close as you safely can to the edges since the paint from the roller really looks a lot nice.

10) Repeat steps 8 and 9

But good news. don't really worry about getting right up to the trim. As long as you're within an 1/8 - 1/4 in that's close enough. It should go twice as fast.

11) Cleaning Cleaning Cleaning

Now that you're done spend 20 min to clean all of your tools. Rinse the brush thoroughly and soak it in some warm water. If the paint is dried on you can use a wire brush to clean the... brush. The rest you should be able to rinse out with a garden hose. I do usually just throw away the roller, I have tried reusing them and they always seem worthless the second time no matter how much I clean them.

Now that We've got the base coat down we're ready for the stripes.

Sausagefest

Sausagefest

Several years ago when we got our mixer and some of the attachments I convinced Cara to let me spend the couple of extra bucks to get the sausage stuffer tubes. It has been a long time and I have taken a fair amount of flack for the unused sausage tubes. A couple of weekends ago I finally had the extra venison and time to finally make my first batch of sausage. warning may not be suitable for vegetarians.

1) Cleaning Cleaning Cleaning
You want good sausage you need to clean everything. Counters, mixer, bowls, utensils, clean it all. Got it all squeaky clean? Good, now you're ready for the next step.2) Sanitize Sanitize Sanitize
Really these are good starting steps for any cooking project. a 10% bleach soln should do nicely, and as an added bonus you can just spray on and let it dry, you do not even need to wipe it down.

3) Get your ingredients

Now if you are making sausage you are going to need some fat. My recipe called for pork back fat, but to my dismay no one seemed to stock it, though the Schnucks butcher said he could save me some. I figured bacon would work just as well.

4) Set up the equipment

from left to right: 600W mixer w/ meat grinder attachment, clean plates for transfer, large sanitized cutting board, large knife extra sharp, 2 large bowls for catching ground meat.

5) Cut the meat

For my meat grinder this meant rectangular prisms about 1" x 1" x 6"

6) Into the grinder

Nice and easy let the grinder do the work. This does add some heat to the meat so the colder is starts the better, I usually pop mine in the freeze for at least and hour or 2 before cutting.

Multiple batches, different meats, have to step out for a bit...

you know it:

clean clean clean

sanitize sanitize sanitize

I suggest running a couple of pieces of bread through the grinder to force out the majority of the meat.

I like to make mine w/ venison, hence the need for the extra fat. As delicious as it is venison really does not have a lot going on in the fat dept.

That's a lot of meat

7) Weigh and measure all of the ingredients.

I used a couple of recipes I found on line, one good eats, and one random.

8) Mix it up

I started this with the paddle and quickly realized that was going to make a ginormous mess. The dough hook did much better kneading the spices into the meat, and don't forget the secret ingredient, morton tender quick adds the real sausage taste... ummmmm sausage.

9a) ♫ Pack it up nice ♫

Now here you have a couple of options patties or links. I chose about 2/3 patties, mostly because it was a lot of meat and the patties were easier. spread a 24" piece of foodservice film (saran) out on the counter. Get a 1lb handful of sausage, form it into a cylinder, and TIGHTLY wrap it up into the film folding in the ends as you go. Pop it in the freezer and you've got sausage suitable for patties.

9b) Stuff it

The links get a bit more complicated. First the stuffer tubes need to be fitted onto the good ole grinder. Slide your collagen casings (no intestines for me) onto the tubes, and clip off the end.

hold it tight and twist off the links as you go

Enjoy!

John Gutzmer’s jeans club for men

John Gutzmer’s jeans club for men

John and Cara on the LasVegas strip

08/06/07 QuadCities golf tournament
Drew: Is that what you’re wearing
John: Yeah,
Drew: You know it’s like 100 degrees out
John: And…
Drew: And, we will be walking around a golf course…
And, you’re wearing jeans.
John: I’m good.

You see, John Gutzmer’s jeans club for men is not just for guys who like jeans… Hey who doesn’t. It’s more of a state of mind. Is it hot outside? Yes. Do you want to look like a little girl? Uh, no. And from these humble beginnings began John Gutzmer’s Jean’s club for men.

It is not that I have anything against shorts, they defiantly have their place, (bicycling, running, swimming), it is just that I would prefer to wear jeans. Why?.. Well I am glad you asked.

John at the palace at Versailes

Comfort
Is there anything more comfortable than a well worn pair of Jeans. Apparently the more you wear them the better they conform to your body. Almost all of the jeans I wear have even have a worn spot that holds my wallet at a certain angle in my pants. (apparently that is where it goes

John ice skating on the lake

Utility
You want to crawl around under your house, or climb a tree. You are going to want some jeans. Putting on a roof, or walking around town… jeans. They are good for almost all tasks. They protect your skin from sharp things, and they encapsulate your legs with a soft delightful sheath of cotton... What more could you want.

John and the youth in Juarez Mexico on a 110 deg day

Durability
I have had some jeans that have had exceptionally long lives. I have thought about sending some of them back to Levi for breeding purposes. What other apparel could you use to crawl around on gravel, then shake the dust off and expect to wear the next day.

John and Cara at the City Museam on the 4th of July

Consistency
I don’t try on jeans any more. I haven’t for 15 years. I do still shop around for deals, but I know what I am looking for… 34 32 550. And when I find them at the price I want, I usually buy several pairs. Girls may spend hours and days looking for pants and skirts, but guys have a number then can find in on the shelf and walk up to the register, no trying on, no hassle, find the number and check out.

John at the Venice Naval Museam

Yes. There is a downside. Sometimes it is hot, and other times it is really hot, and jeans are not known for their cool airiness. So what is one to do? Suck it up. Sure it is summer and it is 110 degrees with the sun beating down on you, but most of your body heat is concentrated around your head and your chest. So throw on a t-shirt and sweat it out. It will be worth it when your friends come up and ask if you are hot, and you can snidely reply “Yeah, I am…. ;) ”

Paper or Plastic

Paper or Plastic

It’s yet another one of life’s great decisions. The plastic bag that is worse for the environment (not true), or the paper bag made from our nations forests (also not true). This is the age old question that many struggle with at the checkout line, if you have not switched to the trendy reusable bag, which still may not be any better for the environment, espicially, if it sits in the garage like our 4 or 5 do.

My personal preference is for the cheap plastic bags. They are stronger, more moisture resistant and easier to hold onto than those ridiculous paper bags. In fact if they start bagging my groceries w/ paper I will usually make them redo it with plastic. Just for the fact that I like to pick up all 4 or 5 bags at the same time, which you simply cannot do with the paper bags. People should probably get the reusable bags and make a point to take them to the store, but that is not really what this blog is about.

We do make every effort to conserve. We reuse as many of the bags as possible as trashcan liners or numerous other misc uses, and what we don’t reuse we usually recycle at the bin in the super market. So we have the reuse and recycle going, but what really pisses me off is trying to reduce the number we end up with.

This is what I ended up coming home with the other day while I was not watching the bagger. When I got home I was very upset as I started putting stuff away, and realized that not only did numerous bags only have 1 item in them, but some of them were even double bagged. For the 30 some grocery items we had 20 some bags. Granted the bagger may not have been the brightest crayon in the box, but come on. This is why I prefer the self checkout.

Items that received their own individual bag (from top, left): single pack of flour tortillas, pre bagged oranges, half gallon of OJ, 12 eggs, half gallon of milk, half gallon of icecream, single pack of corn tortillas, quart of margerine, prebagged apples.

In future outings I will try to be more proactive to reduce the number of bags we end up with. If I would have noticed this before they started I would have consolidated some of these myself. I guess I will reuse one of the plastic bags to bring its 50 friends back to be recycled.

Oh and one more bright spot for plastic bags, if you get a bag that feels a little rougher than the normal bag it is probably made of bioplastic, which is made from corn or soybeans. These are much more biodegradable and use substantially less hydrocarbons to produce and deliver. And if the shipping peanuts that came with your latest online purchase are tan and crush between your fingers those are bioplastic as well.

other info:

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plastic_bag
• http://www.durobag.com/news/permalink/2007/6/26/104028.html
• http://www.plasticsindustry.org/files/about/fbf/myths+facts_grocerybags.pdf
• http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/105486/10-Things-to-Scratch-From-Your-Worry-List
• http://www.reason.org/commentaries/smithheisters_20080417.shtml
• http://www.triplepundit.com/pages/reusable-bag-or.php

Billboards I Like to Argue With 2

Billboards I Like to Argue With 2

On my way home I came across this gem while stopped at a light. At first this seemed like a reasonable request for a PSA type billboard. Yes, yes I will stand up to an abuser. Who does he think he is anyway, abusing some poor kid? But, as I continued to sit at the very unnecessary light at the corner of Bradley and County Fair, this got to bothering me.

First of all why the hell does this guy look so smug? Now I’m kind of pissed. Someone really needs to put this abuser in his place. And another thing, why is he black? What exactly are they implying here? I have half a mind to call up this “CASA” and giving them a piece of my mind. This billboard is a racist attack on the community it is so clearly trying to serve. I have not seen any of these ads with a smug white guy anywhere else around town.

Just before I got out of my car and started yelling at the sign the light finally turned green. “Thank god, now I don’t have to look at this inflammatory propaganda anymore” I thought as I pulled away slowly… Oh, nevermind

aAlgorithm for finding the bar at large gathering using Newton’s method

Algorithm for finding the bar at a large gathering using Newton’s method

Figure 1 Typical sample of people flaunting delightful beverages, while others remain beveragless.

Last year at the artists against AIDS benefit, I was enjoying the weird art, but was somewhat frustrated that I could not seem to figure out where the bar was, despite my best efforts. About ready to give up I decided to use my 20 years of schooling to come up with a robust method of finding a resource in a large group of people. What follows is the derivation and algorithm.

In order for this to work we must make some assumptions about the group.

Primary to this algorithm is that the group be sufficiently large and uniform to make observations on a sample of the group and apply gradients those samples. Depending on the type of room and the type of resource being sought the minimum total group size could vary from 30 to 70, but typically if it is a group of less that 50 the room size would be small enough that more direct methods could be utilized.

Second, we must assume that the members of the group are moving around the area. If it is obvious that some or all of the members are stationary for an extended period of time then those individuals should be excluded from the calculations. This is often the case where there are tables that people are sitting at.

Finally, the participants have to be, on average, consuming the resource in question at a fairly constant rate. This does not need to be constant over the course of the event, but must be continuous over the time period in question. Thus people will start with a full drink and slowly consume it over 20-40 min. The more variance in the rate of consumption the larger the sample size of the group will need to be. Large deviances from the norm like shots should be identified and discarded.

Figure 2 Vectors measuring the movement of alcoholic beverages in a confined space. The length and direction of the vectors is proportional to the velocity vector multiplied by the percentage of remaining beverage.

Once these criteria have been met the algorithm can be implemented.
First take a survey of all of the individuals in a certain radius from your location. Scale the individual’s movement vectors with the quantity of their drinks and average to obtain a single vector. This vector will show the average movement of the alcohol near you.

Figure 3 Initial sample group and the coresponding vector indicating the negative of the mean alcohol movement in the group.

With this invaluable piece of information we can derive several things. The first and most important is the direction of the bar which is in the opposite of the mean alcohol vector (MAV[1]). One could just start walking tat direction and see where they end, up, but would have substantially more success by moving in the direction opposite the mean alcohol vector, but only 30% of the length of the room, or a suitable distance depending on circumstances.

Figure 4 Second survey at location indicated by MAV[1], including MAV[2]

Once at the new location a new survey can be taken yielding a second mean alcohol vector MAV[2]. Furthermore by comparing the overall glass levels at both locations one may extrapolate the location where the glass levels would be full, and presumably this would also be the location where you would also be able to obtain a full glass.

Figure 5 Second survey point with the inclusion of a vector of the average of MAV[1] and MAV[2] weighted by the mean percentage of remaining beverage at each site.

Figure 6 Predicted location of bar by extrapolating the weighted mean vector for the location where beverage levels will reach 100%. ie. If you find where peoples drinks are full you will fin the bar.

In the extensive testing conducted by the author, this method has typically worked in as little as a single iteration and as many as 4. This is most useful for items with a known maximum and minimum such as beverages, but can also be used to locate cheese trays, chocolate fountains, or any one of a number of other items.

Figure 7 The results of the search method.

Special thanks to Rob Raguet-Schofield for providing the initial figure of randomized vectors, without which none of this would have been possible. Nothe that these figures are meant as a tool for explanation and may not be to scale. Please feel free to point out any questionable methods or overwhelming dorkyness in the comments section.

Blago-Cake

Blago-Cake

I was very excited to hear on the news today that Blagojevich got arrested yesterday, and to celebrate I decided to make a cake for Cara and the teachers whose pensions are no longer in danger of being stolen. Clearly I went with an AB Classic (Yellow Cake), which was slightly more difficult than it should have been.

First weigh all of the ingredients.

Cream together and weigh batter into each pan.
Top the layers.Make the icing w/ a ridiculous amount of sugarApply to the layersTada

Now you have your very own Blago-Cake.

The hardest part was clearly making the hamburgler-esque Blagojevich.

Here is the full recipe if you want to try your own.