1) If you get hit in the head w/ anything you will be knocked unconscious and wake up 15 min later
Worse offenders:
Every Action/Drama ever made
This is key a key plot device to so many shows, that to take it away would rock the makeup of action shows as we know them. Basically the characters need a way to render their adversary unconscious for a period of time without actually harming that person. After about 15 min and up to an hour or 2 they will wake up with a headache and continue doing what they were doing. Variations include what they were hit with (frying pan, baseball bat, butt of gun) and what happens when they wake up (nothing, tied up, in some precarious predicament eg tank filling with beer).

Even more impressive is that even if you do hit someone hard enough to do some real damage. It is likely that they will not be completely unconscious just really groggy and out of it, and that will only last a few minutes. Fortunately it is also fairly likely that they will forget what they were doing just before you hit them, so maybe you can convince them that they were not trying to kill you. Either way they should probably get to the hospital for observation because it is also reasonably likely that they have a slow bleed into their brain that could cause some serious damage.
So just to recap head trauma in order of force:
1 Pisses off attacker
2 Stupor (groggy out of it)
3 Coma (knocked the fuck out)
4 Persistent Vegetative State (come on pick up a newspaper once in a while)
5 Locked in Syndrome (can process information but completely paralyzed including speech)
6 Brain Death (manslaughter conviction)
You are aiming for #3, but just like bozos grand prize bucket game there are no rewards for being only 1 bucket off.
And while we are on the subject:
You may want to consider where in the head you hit your attacker, as that will also greatly effect your chances. A good solid blow to the front of the head will be a lot more likely to get you a #1. If you hit too hard at the back / bottom of the skull that will likely get you a 4 or 5 (note this is the preferred bad guy pistol knocking location. The side of the head might be a good bet also since they can't see you coming, or instead of confronting them with a crudely fashioned weapon, call the cops on your cell phone and hide in a locked area.
2) AEDs magically shock people back to life
Worst Offenders:
Flatliners, Every Medical Show Ever
AEDs or automatic external defibrillators are kind of magic. Some studies have shown that if you are having a typical heart attack, and are defibulated within 5 min that you can have as much as a 40% survival / conversion rate. Those are people who 15 years ago would have likely died. The problem is not with what defibrillators can do, but with what they cannot do. Defibrillators cannot bring people back from the dead.


The other big problem is that if you have been shot, or had any other sort of trauma (ie some jag bag hit you in the head w/ a 2x4) the defibrillator will not help at all. In fact you should not even put it on. Traumas are just another small part of the huge list of ailments for which the AED will have no effect. They are very good at what they do and getting better all the time, but that is all they do, reset the basket ball.
And while we are on the subject:
Makeshift items cannot be used as defibrillators. Even in a pinch, car batteries, extension cords, and computer monitors CANNOT be used as defibrillators. Also defibrillators cannot be used to jump your car or revive slowly dying robots. Sorry johhny #5
3) If you shoot a hole in an airplane everything will get sucked out
worst offenders:
True Lies, Airforce 1, Snakes on a plane?

So what would happen? Well if the shot the metal depending on the bullet it may or may not make it through the inner and outer shell and if it did it would just leave a small hole. the pressure would slowly leak out and depending on how fast those Oxygen masks might drop down (remember to secure your own mask before helping children). If they did shoot a window and it did break (again not a certainty) the seats by that window would be very windy, and you would probably want to move away from them, and again the O2 masks would come tumbling down. In either case you should be more worried about who has a gun and why they are shooting at people (damn TSA).

While we are on the subject:
What ever you think of the TSA they are really trying to keep guns and explody things off of planes. That should help some, or at the very least we will not have to worry about a knitting crisis.
4) People are fragile and die very easily or not at all
Worst offenders:
Anything with Setven Segal, again w/ the Rambos
Have you ever noticed that when bad guys get shot in movies they always just fall over dead. No screaming, no laying on the ground twitching, just dead. This is another one of the clean baby myths that in order to keep the audience watching and not throwing up, you have to just pretend that a single shot will kill most bad guys with out much mess.


While we are on the subject:
Killing people with your bare hands is not as easy as it looks. One, usually they don't want to be killed, and two necks are surprisingly more difficult to break than a handfull of spaghetti. Perhaps bad guys in addition to their poor shooting skills and desire to be shot also have unreasonably weak necks. They should really get into another line of work.
5) If you hold a lighter to a sprinkler all of the sprinklers will not go off
Worst Offenders:
Die Hard, Lethal Weapon 4, Matrix, Changing Lanes


While we are on the subject:
The sprinklers are actually only designed for a certain # of head activations based on the size and type of building. If any more than that go off they will not be able to shoot out as much water, to the point where if they all went off it would probably be mostly just be a bunch of dribbling heads. Also do not pull the fire alarm unless there is a fire. Aside from being against the law it really pisses off the firemen.

2 comments:
Elanor
was 34
She had a husband
She didn't want him anymore
She had a plan
She'd get in bed
She'd call him in
And then I'd hit him on the head
But she turned out to be crazy
Though she kept it well hid
And it turns out that to knock a guy out
You gotta hit him harder than I did
Now he's pressing charges
They're back together and I'm out of luck
She turned out to be crazy
I turned out to be stuck
(She turned out to be crazy, by Dr. Frank)
Dr. Nick: I'll need a golf cart motor and a thousand volt capacimator.
Nurse: Doctor! I can't in good conscience...
Dr. Nick: Ahh! There's no time! I'll have to improvise.
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