Why do I always cut myself in such inconvenient places?
So I don not know if it is the fact that I am kind of klutzy and uncoordinated or that I am constantly working with potentially hazardous items, but I cut myself a fair amount. It is not new I have come to grips with it over the coarse of my life. Here is the thing though. Whenever I cut myself it is always in the least convenient place on my body. Ok the second least convenient place. I never cut myself on my arm or my chest. It is always a place that is impossible to put a band aid on, like a knuckle or the very tip of my finger. And then you have to try to manipulate the Band aid with your one good hand while fixing the other. Really the best you can hope for is to bang your shin on something. Then the only downside (besides the gaping wound) is that sooner or later you will have to rip the band aid off along with most of you leg hair.
Even after you have the baindaid on you still have the issue of do I really need to wash my hands (Yes you do), and now the bandaid is all wet (I bet I could have held it for a couple more hours). That must be the allure of "cutting" at least when you are done you have something easy to bandage and keep dry. You defiantly do not see any angsty kids with cuts on there knuckles. Or the absolute worst the flap of skin between the thumb and the rest of the hand. I guess the human body is not really designed to have a flat piece of plastic stuck on it, but @ least I do not work in food service where they have to put latex finger condoms over any cuts, now that truly would be tragic.
Anyway, here is how Ive come to cope. First put on your triple anti-biotic goo, that is key. Now if it on the knuckle it is oh so tempting to just wrap it around (concentrically). That is wrong. Then when you bend the knuckle it squeezes and generally sucks. If you wrap it around at an angle (helicticaly) then it can still flex but is not stretching against it self and there is noting on the bottom to squeeze. If it is on the finger tip you have to go over the top, and if it is on the thumb flap... Well then you are just screwed.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
How Is McDonald's So Damn Fast
(Why is Ronald McDonald so damn creepy)
So this morning on my way into work I decided to grab a breakfast sandwich at McDonald's on my way into work. The light at the intersection had just turned red as I turned into McDs. Amazingly they took my order, took my money, gave me change and gave me my sandwich all before the light changed and I beat the cars waiting at the light (suckers). Upon relaying my amazing story to Cara she informed me that she had gone to McDs for lunch and despite having 5 cars in front of her and a special order sandwich, was in and out of the drive through in less than 60 seconds.
Now I don't think that anyone is under the impression that McDonalds is going to provide them with a gourmet meal or even a fresh sandwich, but seriously there are certain laws of time and space that must apply. So the real question is what the hell is going on back there in the mysterious McDonalds kitchen. Aside from them using beef fat in their french fries and kangaroo meat in their hamburgers, both of which I am fine with.
I would like to think the secret is some sort of cross time communication system allowing them to communicate with customers in the near future and have their order ready before they even knew they wanted it. And by using this technology only for fast food purposes and not to save lives or win the lottery the time space continuum remains safe and Michale J Fox can still go "camping" with his high school girlfriend. Upon investigation my hopes were dashed to realize that it is in fact much less exciting, but still slightly exciting. It is basically a big assembly line churning out all of the components that will make your order uniform and identical, then once you get to the line they are (in a matter of seconds) assembled and bagged probably while you are fiddling with your wallet and change. Some of the more popular items are already made waiting for you to eat, but that is not all that exciting.
What is really interesting it what is holding up the process from going even faster, and the answer is you. You think you are pretty fast you know what you want you have your wallet out when you get to the window, but you are still the hold up. That is why they have 2 ordering lanes now and only 1 food lane. That's right it takes you twice as long to order as it does to do everything else. As far as all that fiddling with cash goes McDs would actually prefer you pay w/ credit card. It is faster so they do not have to worry about you holding up you line looking for a quarter, and they do not have to worry about their employees dealing with as much cash. In fact if you have a card with an embedded RFID tag you do not really have to interact with them at all, and really isn't that what you are going for.
But wait, there is one more thing, and this may just blow your mind. In the not so distant future your order may be taken over seas. So when you talk to the box your order will be sent around the world through the magic of "the Internet" punched into a computer and sent back around for someone to make it. Here I am paying someone in the US with a loose grasp of the English language minimum wage to take orders, when I could be paying someone in Jakarta with a loose grasp of the English language (Jakarta) Minimum wage to take the same order. Plus now they can take the place where the order takers used to stand and expand the bacteria lake, I mean ball pit.
So that is it there is really not any more time to shave unless the users can sped along somehow, I think Jesse Spano may have a speed hookup. But do not be deceived, this is not limited to McDonalds, although they have been pioneers. All manner of businesses will be trying to speed you out the door, grocery stores, gas stations, sit down restaurants, even retail stores. Because in reality the less time you are there the more schmos they can churn through the doors, and the more money they can make.
Thank you come again.